When clients who have never had therapy come to me, I ask about their beliefs about therapy and what they think it will do for them. What many clients don’t realise is that their beliefs about therapy can add time to their healing journey.
Managing your mental health can be exhausting, if you have been struggling for a long time, it is hard to see an end. In order to get the best out of, and reduce the time in, therapy your expectations of what therapy can do may need to be addressed. Here are four beliefs that new clients often have:
- The therapist is the expert and can solve all your issues
- You only have to work in the therapy space as that is where the healing happens
- You only need a couple sessions
- Therapy will make you feel better
Let’s address these beliefs and how learn how you approach going to therapy is as important as going to therapy itself.
Belief – The therapist is the expert and can solve all your issues
Well this is a yes and a no. A therapist is a trained professional, that is true, and all therapist should be registered with a professional organisation such as BACP, NCPS, UKCP. Often after initial training, therapists go on to specialise in certain issues but this does not make them a expert on you!
Therapists should be interested in you and your life, how the issue affects you and your ability to interact. As only you can explain this, it means you are the undiscovered expert on you. For therapy to work, there should be a meeting of the two. What the therapist knows about the issue and what you know about yourself.
What to expect from the therapist
A therapist may explain what is happening in your mind/body. This is what therapists refer to as psychoeducation. This is followed by them waiting for your input or asking questions that help you make your own connections. They may offer tools to help you manage, techniques to practice or sheets to fill out. These should be tailored to you and your life. No two people are the same and there is not one-size-fits-all way of coping.
The clients I work with prefer a friendly chatty approach. They find the relationship building part of therapy helpful because the silent, sit back, listen and observe approach makes them feel judged. This can happen even if the therapist seems to empathise. For some people my approach could feel intrusive and they prefer, what I have heard termed the more ‘professional’ therapist. They do prefer the odd prompt or question, the time to sit with themsleves.
Challenge your belief
If you have therapist that tells you how you are feeling rather than asks you then it may be time to challenge them or find a new therapist.
You may find this hard especially if you always go along with what other people say or do, but remember that you are the expert on what and who works for you. The therapist is there to aid you on your healing journey, to walk beside you helping you to understand yourself. If you belief in your ability to know yourself, you will become the expert on you.
Belief – You only have to ‘work’ in the therapy space as that when the healing happens.
This is a common belief that ties in with #1. I have found that people often don’t realise that even if there is no ‘homework’, they still need to work on themselves outside of their session. The therapist doesn’t wave a magic wand that automatically makes you able to cope with life. Though sometimes we wish we could!
For example if you suffer with anxiety and your therapist teaches you breathing techniques. Practicing them only during therapy will not help when it comes to using them. The tools you and your therapist discuss need to be practiced everyday outside of your one hour a week. This helps your brain to unlearn your old unhelpful habits and cement in the new helpful ones.
In the therapy space you have moments where the ‘magic’ does happen, where you realise and recognise certain emotions, thoughts, patterns and behaviours. What you learn in therapy applies to the outside world. It can feel scary and a little unsafe to try them out in real life but this is how you move forward.
Challenge your belief
Taking the experience outside of the therapy space gives you material to discuss. It is the only way to work out what is helpful and where you may need extra support. The easiest way to start is ask your therapist what might be helpful to do at home and discuss how safe this feels for you. If you don’t understand the practices need extra support, and are nervous about asking questions, YouTube has great resources for practicing techniques or getting further information.
Whenever my clients thank me for helping them, my response is always the same
“You are where you are because YOU have done the work”
Belief – You only need a couple of sessions
Sometimes this is true, I have had the occasional client that has had their ‘magic’ moment very early on. All they needed was someone to listen to them and feel heard. In my experience, clients start off only wanting a couple of sessions. Then they realise that there is a lot more going on than they thought. This is especially true for people who have had issues throughout childhood or suffered long mental health issues or trauma.
So what can you expect in the first couple of sessions?
Session 1
Let’s look at the first session you have. Generally this is should be for going through the contract with your therapist. It will help to understand what they offer, confidentiality and what you should expect from them. It is also when your therapist explains what is expected of you. This can take time, especially if there are any forms or questionnaires to be completed. Your therapist will also want an overview of your issues, who you have supporting you. It also the time for any important information you may feel is relevant to therapy.
Poof! The first session is gone and you feel like you haven’t even scratched the surface. Your therapist however is building a mental image of you, your life and what the issues might be. This session helps them work out what they have on their therapeutic toolkit that may help you.
Session 2
In my practice session 2 is for building on that picture, aiming to create a safe space with you. We would begin to work out the tools that will help stabilise your emotions and allow you to move forward.
From then on, the sessions can go deeper if needed. In order to feel the benefits of therapy, I would recommend a minimum of 6 sessions to start.
The important thing to keep in mind is the communication between you and your therapist. If you feel something isn’t working or you don’t understand, tell them, this will help keep your therapy on track.
Challenge your belief
Give yourself at least 2 or 3 sessions before deciding how many sessions you need. Be as clear as you can on the goals you are aiming for or how you want to feel and ask the therapist how they think you can achieve this.
Be prepared that you may need more sessions than you thin, especially if you have some deep rooted issues. It is also important to be realistic about how much you can spend on therapy.
Belief – Therapy will make you feel better
Okay, so this is the aim of therapy but what people don’t always realise is that it doesn’t happen instantaneously. Working through your thoughts, feelings and behaviours can be painful and exhausting, you might dredge up some heavy emotional stuff. This never makes anyone feel good. So going into therapy expect to feel like crap some of the time.
Some clients feel lighter, relieved and a have bit more understanding at the end of session. Then later in the week their emotions crash, they feel worse and need to process this in the next session. Others feel awful at the end of the session but process the work and have feelings of a breakthrough. This is where self care and commitment to practicing the tools discussed in therapy comes in.
There is no right or wrong way to heal, it can feel like a navigating a rollercoaster without the training.
Challenge your beliefs
Think of your therapist like your roller coaster health and safety trainer at work They know when to brake and when to let you go faster. They will help you to recognise when the twists and turns are approaching. How to ease up and lean in the right direction so you don’t feel so out of control. With time you can do this yourself and feeling like crap reduces.
Ongoing beliefs about therapy
However long your therapy lasts, just remember your healing journey is as individual as you are. Do not rush, trust the process and make the decision to whole heartedly engage.
I hope this article has helped address some of the common beliefs about therapy. No matter where you are on your therapeutic journey, it may be worth your while to challenge any beliefs that you have built up – you may be surprised!
If you need help in understanding more about therapy, how to choose a therapist you can visit these websites
UKCP
